Rant

Why aren't shopping carts better designed for balancing car seats? It seems I either have to tip Brennan back so his toes are higher than his head or sit him so far forward it doesnt' seem safe. You'd think someone could have created a more mommy-friendly design by now.

Music - by Anne Porter

Once in awhile I get to hear Garrison Keillor read the daily Writers Almanac on Blue Lake Public radio. Late in the evening of May 1 I was listening more closely than usual, and this Christ-haunted gem pulled at my heart...


Music
by Anne Porter

When I was a child
I once sat sobbing on the floor
Beside my mother's pianoAs she played and sang
For there was in her singing
A shy yet solemn glory
My smallness could not hold

And when I was asked
Why I was crying
I had no words for it
I only shook my head
And went on crying

Why is it that music
At its most beautiful
Opens a wound in us
An ache a desolation
Deep as a homesickness
For some far-off
And half-forgotten country

I've never understood
Why this is so

But there's an ancient legend
From the other side of the world
That gives away the secret
Of this mysterious sorrow

For centuries on centuries
We have been wandering
But we were made for Paradise
As deer for the forest

And when music comes to us
With its heavenly beauty
It brings us desolation
For when we hear it
We half remember
That lost native country

We dimly remember the fields
Their fragrant windswept clover
The birdsongs in the orchards
The wild white violets in the moss
By the transparent streams

And shining at the heart of it
Is the longed-for beauty
Of the One who waits for us
Who will always wait for us
In those radiant meadows

Yet also came to live with us
And wanders where we wander.

"Music" by Anne Porter from Living Things: Collected Poems.

Blogging again

I used to blog - I kept a blog for over two years on another site. But after a lengthy absence from blogging, I just can't get the motivation to resume blogging there again. So, a new blog, new name, new focus (or lack thereof). Because life is different now. Instead of working full time, I'm a full-time mom. Instead of feeling somewhat alone in my world, I'm now surrounded by good friends and family. Instead of getting full nights sleep every night, I haven't slept more than five hours straight in five months.

Anyway, life is very full and very different now. Especially as a mommy - a blessing I thought was never meant to be mine and now is just so wonderful. And the time does go so fast, albeit in retrospect. When I'm desperately trying to get Brennan to sleep - running in his room every 3 minutes to stick the pacifier back in his mouth, or am dealing with another screaming reflux session when he's trying to nurse, then it seems that this is all there is and all there ever will be. But then I realize that he's been smiling and cooing for more than six weeks now. And that I can hardly remember what it was like to hold him when he was 5 lbs and barely in newborn clothes, much less at 3 lb 10 oz and swimming in preemie clothes. I tried to hand-write my thoughts and record of his days in a paper journal, but I just couldn't stick to it. It takes too much time - not something I have a lot of these days. So, I'll try the blogosphere again.

Here goes nothing.